“My Wish”
“My wish, for you, is that this life
becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.”
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.”
--Rascal Flatts, “My Wish”
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| 2-23-20. Maybe I've spent the past 23 birthdays wishing for you guys and I didn't even know it. I'm so grateful for how you guys love me. Thank you for kicking off Year 24 in the softest, pinkest way when our lives are so busy right now! (Hopefully this blog is "Friendship Revenge" enough. ) |
I had the weirdest
feeling the first weekend of Spring Break. Even though I wasn’t likely to see
you guys because I was neck deep in grading and assignments, when Lexi, V,
Rebecca, and Cailey left for Denver, I felt it: we weren’t all in the same
place anymore. On any other weekend, there would be the possibility of
hanging out, but when people leave the state, that opportunity kind of dies.
And then I remembered that very soon, we won’t just be a state apart for a
week—we’ll be scattered to the winds indefinitely…maybe forever.
An unintended benefit of this blog has been that it’s helped me cope with my feelings about graduation. I truly hate transition periods. I hate change, even if there are good things coming. This transition is particularly hard for me because I don’t know what’s coming next. I’ve always had a plan, but I don’t this time, so there’s extra anxiety surrounding post-May 15th. At the beginning of the semester, I was probably still stuck in a fantasy that we’d still be a unit—a cohort, as inseparable and connected as we’ve been—when grad school was over. Two months ago, that was the dream I clung to. But, by going through pictures and picking songs and pouring all my feelings out, I don’t feel the need to hang onto that idea anymore. Maybe I’m feeling more confident and stable in our relationships; maybe I’ve realized that I was being unrealistic and a smidge delusional, but, whatever the reason, this blog is bringing me a lot of peace in this crazy-hectic-scary time. I look forward to writing it every week. I look forward to reliving all our memories and creating something with them.
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| 9-8-2019. The Backstreet Boys in Omaha,, NE Sometimes dreams include reliving 90s nostalgia and breaking out some fashion throwbacks. |
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| 2-1-2019. Panic! At the Disco in Omaha, NE. Sometimes dreamscome true in the form of seeing Brendan Urie live, amirite? |
An unintended benefit of this blog has been that it’s helped me cope with my feelings about graduation. I truly hate transition periods. I hate change, even if there are good things coming. This transition is particularly hard for me because I don’t know what’s coming next. I’ve always had a plan, but I don’t this time, so there’s extra anxiety surrounding post-May 15th. At the beginning of the semester, I was probably still stuck in a fantasy that we’d still be a unit—a cohort, as inseparable and connected as we’ve been—when grad school was over. Two months ago, that was the dream I clung to. But, by going through pictures and picking songs and pouring all my feelings out, I don’t feel the need to hang onto that idea anymore. Maybe I’m feeling more confident and stable in our relationships; maybe I’ve realized that I was being unrealistic and a smidge delusional, but, whatever the reason, this blog is bringing me a lot of peace in this crazy-hectic-scary time. I look forward to writing it every week. I look forward to reliving all our memories and creating something with them.
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| 9-22-2019. JoBros in KC. And sometimes dreams include a Miracle Reunion and the return of happiness after 6 long years. |
“My Wish” was one of
the first songs I thought of when I started putting a graduation playlist
together, because the chorus is just everything I want for the people I love.
I’ve been quoting it in graduation cards since I was in middle school. It also
got me started thinking about the wishes I’ve made for myself. In high school,
I used to make an 11:11 wish every day. Sometimes I wished to get a part in the
school play or that I’d do well on a chemistry test. Sometimes, if I was
feeling generous, I’d wish for something for someone else. A lot of times I
wished I’d fall in love. But one thing I never thought to wish for was this.
Never in my wildest dreams could I have even imagined this kind of community
with so many vivacious and talented and good people. Please enjoy this
list of things that have far-surpassed my expectations:
- Daily affirmations on sticky notes
- A freaking surprise pajama party with cats and unicorns and pink and glitter
- Being introduced to mac n’ cheese pizza and grilled cheeses
- A Christmas party that turned into “say nice things about Katie night”
- Walking into classes as a unit (801, Children’s Lit, Illustrations Seminar, Apocalypse) and feeling cool and popular for the first time in my life
- A group of people who genuinely care about and understand my paper topics and who offer incredible feedback
- Loudly (and tipsily) singing showtunes on walks back from Aggieville
- Friends who also like planning so that I don’t have to be the one who does it all the time
- An absolutely chaotic and awful (and now iconic) ChLA trip involving museums, bicycle accidents, and a trip to emergency care
- Having more than one person in my life who loves musicals
- Being around people with so many ideas! You guys are honestly the smartest and most creative people I’ve ever been around. I’m constantly stimulated and inundated with new thoughts. You make me want to write 100 articles and dozens of books, and, if I can’t, then I want you to write them! This is my favorite thing about grad school. You guys make my brain feel alive.
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| 9-27-2019. Driptorch. We love a supportive GTA/Instructor community--and $3 wine. (Maybe $3 wine is the real dream.) |
I’m so proud of you.
You’re so talented, and
anyone who doesn’t see that is wrong.
You’re beautiful on the
outside. #EffYoureautyStandards
You’re beautiful on the
inside.
You’re powerful and
fierce and capable, and the world needs your light.
I love you endlessly
and can’t thank you enough for sharing your lives with me for the last 2 years.
Love ∞,
Me
PS: I wrote this before I left for Spring Break in Lincoln.
Before the COVID-19 shit hit the fan, so I’m adding this bit on to my original
post, because I think to not acknowledge this pandemic would do a disservice to
this blog that I meant to document our last semester—even if I could never have
guessed what a turn it would take. I’m sure next week will be totally “corona-focused,”
but, for now, my wish is that you guys will stay healthy, both mentally and physically.
I know it’s scary and frustrating and stressful, but I like to believe in the perseverance
of the human spirit. Humanity has survived this level of pandemic and worse.
There have been world wars and natural disasters and plagues, and we’ve,
somehow, come out on the other side. And we’ll get through this, too. If we’re
only allowed to interact with a handful of people, I’m glad I get you guys.
Here’s to having a crazy story to tell in 10 years. Love you guys a lot. Wash
your hands. (You could sing one of these blog songs!)
PPS: I PASSED MY DEFENSE TODAY!! It was via Zoom and
very weird, and it doesn’t feel as special as doing it in person, and I will
forever be pissed that COVID-19 and Trump’s shitty response to it took that
away from me, but I did it! And I will be proud of myself for it! Now, it’s
your turn! Get it done. Don’t let this pandemic win. I am so, so, so proud of
you guys. And a special “good luck” to Molly this week! I know you’ll smash it!
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