“Seasons of Love”

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles
In laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?”

--“Seasons of Love” from RENT

2-24-2020. We laughed. We cried. We mooed. And we really made "Erica from Twitter" mad (see end of post for Twitter screenshots). But, at its core, RENT is a show about relationships. It's a show about friends and about love and about making it work. It shows love as this rebellious act in a world that just wants you to fit a certain mold. And seeing it with you all will always be one of my favorite memories.

We’ve had a few minutes together. From August 13, 2018 to May 15, 2020 will be 336,909,600 minutes, to be precise. That’s a whole lotta’ moments. That’s 641 daylights, 641 sunsets, 641 midnights (when we were probably awake). That’s at least that many cups of coffee—but probably more. That’s approximately 8,889.6 miles we’ve traveled from our hometowns to Manhattan (or 563,245,056 inches, if you were curious.) We’ve laughed too many times to count and have probably given ourselves premature gray hair from all the strife. But what I’ll remember from grad school is the love—the way we have always been so generous with our words of encouragement, how we let compliments roll off our lips so easily, how we celebrate each other’s accomplishments without bitterness or jealousy. Not everyone has that support system or that amount of love, so I think it should count as a unit of measurement. And, if it does, we are so, so rich with it.

RENT is, without a doubt, my favorite musical. I haven’t listened to it religiously the way I have with Hamilton, but I love the story. The first time I saw the movie in high school, I cried. I was definitely a nerd in high school, but I had a quirky, artsy side, too, so I related to Mark and Roger and Maureen’s creativity. And it was pretty gritty and against the grain. (I guess liking RENT was my pitiful excuse for a teenage rebellion!) I was a drama kid, too, so I knew a fair few gay kids, and I loved that RENT showed Maureen and JoAnne and Angel and Collins. But what I really, really, really loved about RENT was that this group of outcast misfits formed a little family and took care of each other.

By now, you guys should know that I love a good “chosen family” story.

6-14-2019. To quote Lin-Manuel Miranda's 2016 Tony acceptance speech, "We rise and fall and light from dying embers, remembrances that hope and love last longer / And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside." I am so proud of each of you for the love you give, and I hope you will always accept the love you deserve (There's a Perks of Being a Wallflower reference to really round out this "love" theme).

Maybe it’s because I grew up so far away from my extended family. It was just me, my parents, my brother, and whatever friends we made. And my parents, bless them, have always taken my friends in. They care about them. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but my mom asks about you guys every time I talk to her. She wants to know when your defenses are. If I mentioned you’re sick, she wants to know how you’re feeling. (She even sent Lexi a card when she broke her wrist in Indy!) She’s trying to learn your pets’ names, and she wants to be your friend on Facebook. My parents care about you because I care about you. We may not have a graduation, but you can bet that they’d be cheering just as loud for all of you as they would for me. Because you’re family, too.

In a lot of ways, my parents set an almost pristine example of what “love” is. They started dating my dad’s senior year of high school (my mom’s junior year). They went to the same college, and got married in 1981, a week after my mom’s 23^rd birthday. They’ll be married for 39 years this August. Growing up, that was what I aspired to. When I didn’t fall in love my junior year of high school, I had a little bit of an internal crisis—but, eventually, I realized that it was a new era, and that my dreams were maybe a little bit bigger than marrying a high school sweetheart (that ended up never existing anyway). I learned how much love I have to give and how many people I could give it to. I’m thinking about Noelle’s personal essay for nonfiction this semester. It was about the Ancient Greeks and all the words they had for love: eros (romantic), philia (friendship), ludus (playful), storge (familial), philautia (self-love), pragma (longstanding), and agape (for humanity).

9-7-2019. I wonder if the Ancient Greeks had roommates. If they did, they might have come up with an 8th word for love, because willingly choosing to live with 3 other people is a special kind of love all its own.

I’m kind of glad that I’m not romantically in love with anyone right now. I’m afraid that, if I were, I would want to put all of my energy into them. Instead, I can put my energy into loving my friends and supporting them; I can put it into my work and my career and my students. Those are all things that I’m not willing to skimp on right now, and I’m honestly sure if I have enough energy/time/sanity left to add a meaningful, potentially forever relationship with another person. As lonely as it can be, I’m enjoying the fact that what limited down time I have is for me. I don’t feel guilty about staying in or going out or doing whatever I feel like doing in my free time. The only beings I ever feel obligated to spend time with are my cats, because they’re 100% my furbabies, but even they can be left alone all day without any repercussions. Being single puts a lot of responsibility on me—to remember to pay bills, to do all the cooking and cleaning and laundry, to run all the errands, to deal with the lease and the front office and the neighbors—but it means that every success is because of me, because I did it. And that’s a pretty empowering feeling.

4-11-2019. Angie Thomas came to talk about The Hate U
Give. If our cohort had a book written about us, it would
probably be called "The Love We Give." (Wow, so cheesy.
You're welcome.)

Being single in grad school also means that I have the freedom to follow my career wherever I want to. I can pick up and move anywhere. I don’t have to consider a partner’s job or a child’s school. My life can actually center around me, and, for someone who is naturally unselfish, it’s a relief to be able to be selfish sometimes. As much as I’d like to share all the ups and downs of my life with someone, I know I would try to put them first, and I’d probably eventually grow to resent myself for not following my passions. So, right now, being single is what’s best for me. (Not gonna lie, though, I did not anticipate a pandemic isolation situation, and this is one of those times where being single is less than fun.)

My parents are getting older now, and so am I. I know now that their relationship isn’t as perfect as I assumed it was in high school, but I appreciate them for working at it every day. I still think their love story is one for the times. And I know that mine will be. Just like Mikayla and Tyler’s is and like all of yours will be, too. Even if we don’t choose eros, we will always have philia. For me, that friendship has merged into familial, and so I’ll always have some storge for you, and I hope that turns into pragma. I hope this lasts forever.

And, hey, if we ever get our of isolation and fall in love, hit me up to plan your wedding.

Love ∞,

Me 

PS: Speaking of love, I've got some major love to share for some incredible women WHO PASSED THEIR DEFENSES in the last week! I've got to give all my love and congratulations to Noelle, who defended on Monday, March 30th; Rebecca who defended on Wednesday, April 1st (no joke! I saw the picture!); V, who defended on Friday, April 3rd; and Cailey, who defended today, April 6! I', so proud of each of you, and I feel so lucky to be your friend and cheer you on through all the phases of life! You did it, guys!

P.P.S: Here's the W~I~L~D Twitter fiasco Lexi and I inadvertently started. Erica has since deleted her account (because I'm 80% sure she was a bot or a troll), but I, of course, screenshotted the whole conversation beforehand...if it can even be called a conversation.