“We’re All in This Together”

“Here and now it’s time for celebration

I finally figured it out (yeah yeah)

That all our dreams have no limitations

That's what it’s all about (yeah yeah)

Everyone is special in their own way

We make each other strong (we make each other strong)

We’re not the same

We’re different in a good way

Together's where we belong

We're all in this together.”

-- “We’re All in This Together” from High School Musical (2006)

9-7-2019. Wildcats at a Wildcat game. There was even some strange choreography known as "the Wabash." Fairly certain we sang "Sweet Caroline," too, because that's a requirement of every college football game.

“WILDCATS IN THE HOUSE! EVERYBODY SAY IT NOW!”

You didn’t think I would write a blog called “Where the Wildcats Are” without making at least one High School Musical reference, right? I’ve probably watched that movie dozens of times on Disney Channel, and I remember crying the first time I saw High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008). (Full disclosure, I didn’t see HSM3 until I was probably 15 or 16, so a full 3 or 4 years after it came out.) I never thought I’d be a Wildcat, but I wanted what they had—that love and friendship and comradery—and I wanted everything to work out.

Maybe it’s something about Wildcats, but now that I am one, I feel like I’ve found it. Sure, we don’t break out into choreographed numbers in the bullpen, but, on Valentine’s Day, Noelle, Lexi, Nick, and I sang Taylor Swift in Nick and Noelle’s office. And we frequently break into “All Star” lyrics, so I’m pretty sure our lives count as a musical.

2-7-2020. Missing these moments extra today,
 but so very very grateful for them.

I knew when I picked this song that we were in this together. At the time, I thought “this” would just mean grad school and all the general ups and downs that come with it. Now, though, “this” seems heavier. Maybe I’m just tired recently. Maybe, the closer to “graduation” we get, the more it hurts that we won’t get that HSM3 graduation scene. I don’t know. But the one thing I’m still sure of is that we’re still here for each other, still supporting each other, still getting each other through all of “this.”

What I’ll never understand is “Why us?” The closest cohort maybe in history, the one that has consistently presented the most united front, why are we the ones who have to suffer this isolation? We’ve been so close—emotionally and physically—for months, and now we have to face the last few months apart.

That sucks. It sucks so much my chest aches sometimes with it (like today when I'm writing this).

Name a more iconic set of roommates. I'll wait.

But this whole quarantine thing has actually made me realize how close we actually are. Because, believe it or not, I feel myself closing off if I go too long without some kind of interaction. Group chat and snap chat and texts are nice, but, recently, I’ve felt myself getting caught up in the quiet: my apartment, my cats, the books I’m reading, the work I’m doing, the same 4 or 5 artists wearing out my Spotify. And, on one hand, it’s nice, because I’m creating and taking in more art than I’ve had the time and energy for in a long time, but, on the other hand, it hurts, because I know that’s time and energy that I usually put into people. And, boy, do I miss people. And when I miss people I get…cynical?...pessimistic?...sad? Something like that. It’s almost like being the cheery, optimistic dreamer that you guys know is harder when I’m alone, and that part of me hardens and shrivels up when I haven’t heard friendly voices in a while. (I’m much more introspective in isolation, if you can’t tell.) But when we Zoom—like some of us did for five hours last week—I can actually feel that part of me unfurl in the first few minutes of talking. You guys literally bring out the best parts of me.

It’s like the song says, right? We’re not the same; we’re different in a good way. We make each other strong. I think we’ve been saying that for a long time. While we have a pretty big group of Children’s Lit people, for example, we each have different interests. Our creative writers prefer different genres. Our only Lit Track person loves a time period that I, personally, wouldn’t touch with 50-ft pole. (Sorry, Cailey, love you!) And our favorite Cultural Studies grad wants to go into publishing, not academia. We’re like puzzle pieces that make one big, beautiful, bright, glittery, chaotic and cohesive puzzle—that’s probably Shrek-themed, honestly. There are no duplicates of us, thank God, and I think that’s our best feature. I don’t care how many more scholars I meet. I don’t care how many more times I read Frankenstein or even Harry Potter. No one can compare to us—to each of you. You’re the ocean; you’re snowflakes; you’re the sunrise over the Kanza and starry nights and rainbows and sunshine and lightning and stardust in human form. And when we’re together, it’s breathtaking.

I feel like I’m just repeating myself in this entry, just telling you all things I’ve already told you. But everything’s so hard right now that I think we deserve to hear it again. You deserve to be told every single day how amazing knowing you has been and how much I’ve grown because of it. Thank you for embracing me, with all my quirks and insecurities, but, mostly, thank you for letting me love you the way I do. There have been people who have pushed that love away, and I’ve bottled it up for their own comfort, and I’ve left things unsaid. But I don’t feel like I have to do that with you. Even if feelings aren’t your forte, you let me express mine. And, because of that, I’m not going to hold back. I love you guys a lot. And I’ll love you forever.

When I chose “We’re All in This Together” all those weeks ago, I thought it’d have a much different tone. I thought we’d be able to focus on the “it’s time for celebration” line, but, try as I might, there doesn’t feel like there’s a whole lot to celebrate right now. The most encouraging thing I can think of is that “We’re All in This Together” is only the end of the first HSM movie.

I hope we get the sequels we deserve—the ones that Wildcats deserve.

Love ∞,

Me