“So Will I”

“You say, "What if things start changing?"

I say, "We'll be changing with ‘em

We'll just sing a different melody

And dance a different rhythm"

You say, "What if I give up?"

                                     I say, "That's one thing that I'll never let you do”

…

But darling, I can hold your hand and promise you

That the sky will still be up there

And the sun will always shine

The stars will keep on fallin'

For the ones who wish at night

The mountains won't start moving

And the rivers won't run dry

The world will always be there

And so will I”

-Ben Platt, “So Will I”

1-22-2020. We took the title The Color Purple to heart. Here's to many more years of meeting up for musicals. Hey, could one of you write a book that they turn into a musical? There really aren't enough YA musicals. Oh, and can I be your date to the Tonys????

I listened to this song once on Monday morning (Ben Platt released it on the 8^th, less than a week ago), and I immediately knew that it needed to be in the coveted “Graduation Week” slot. It’s the perfect song for graduation, because it speaks to so many of the emotions we’re all facing right now: the fear and the uncertainty and the nostalgia and the comfort of a friend. It’s beautiful, and Ben Platt sounds incredible. (PS, did we all hear that he’s dating Noah Galvin, the actor who replaced him as Evan in Dear Evan Hansen? So freaking cute!)

I love this song for a lot of reasons, but my favorite line in the chorus is “The stars will keep on fallin’ / For the ones who wish at night.” I love the wistfulness and whimsy of wishing on stars. On top of being an iconic childhood pastime, space is just magical. It’s so big and vast and mysterious, and there’s so much that could be out there, and it makes me feel so small to stand under a night sky, so maybe my problems aren’t the end of the world like I think they are, because how could they be when there’s so much out there? So, yeah. I think stars—and everything they represent—are just exciting. And, like Jiminy Cricket said, “When you wish upon a star / Makes no difference who you are / Anything your heart desires will come to you.”

Me face when all your dreams come true knowing I've been wishing on stars. 

I’m thinking back to when I used Rascal Flatts’ “My Wish” as a blog post. That’s still my wish for you—that you’re successful and happy and that you keep holding on to your big dreams and you life treats you the way you deserve to be treated—and it’s like Ben Platt is just reaffirming that that can still happen, even though the world is a whole mess right now. Just keep wishing on those stars.

I hope you guys never get too old to wish on stars. I hope you never “grow up” so much that it seems silly or juvenile or pointless. Because, honestly, why not take a chance, put that wish out into the universe? The worst that can happen is…nothing. Things just stay the same. But I think there’s something really powerful about speaking something out loud, be it a dream or a fear or a goal. It makes it real in some ways, and, if it’s real—and not just bouncing around in your head and your heart—you can deal with it. And I’m not sure what star I wished on to end up here, but I do know that Kansas has some of the prettiest skies I’ve ever seen, so wide-open and clear, so maybe there was just more room for the wish grow, and it became us.

2-15-2019. People who get drunk and take bathroom bar selfies at Lexi's 24th birthday together, stay together.

“So Will I” is also a great quarantine song. There’s so much happening in the world; it really is changing, and so are we, but one thing that I hope never changes is how we think about grad school. I hope that, no matter where we are in 30 years, even if we’re not close anymore, I hope we can all remember grad school with fondness. And I want you to now, again, that I will always be here. We’ve gone through fire together, and that means something to me. I hope you never feel like you can’t reach out to me, whether that be to say hi or tell me good news or ask for help. I want to share in all those things with you—honestly. The most meaningful compliment I’ve ever been told was that I was genuine, so I hope you believe me when I say that I’m willing to make this a forever friendship if you are.

Me cheering you on and being excited for you for the rest of our lives.

I know that we’ve forged some pretty tight bonds these last couple of years. Dustin came over to my apartment today, and we talked for five hours, but it felt like twenty minutes. I think it’s incredible that I can do that with you guys. I’ve bared parts of my soul to you that I haven’t shown to anyone else. Heck, some of you have read my Harry Potter fanfiction. No one, no one has ever read my fanfiction before. That’s something that I’ve always kept private, because I was afraid it was bad or that people wouldn’t like it. But, like I’ve said before, you guys have given me a place to be vulnerable, and that’s actually made me more creative. You don’t expect perfect; you just want me, in all of my idealistic, romantic, loud and chatty and excitable glory. Those aren’t relationships that I plan on casting aside just because we won’t be down the hall from each other anymore. I’ll always be here, probably screaming your name and cheering you on, for the rest of our lives.

Cailey is me standing behind you and supporting your from
this day forward. I'll always be there, guys, ALWAYS.

I was talking to my parents a little while ago, and I was thinking about how they saw Garth Brooks play at a bar in Oklahoma in the 80s before he was famous. That’s what I can’t wait to say about you all one day. One day, when you’re doing a book tour or being interviewed by a major media outlet or getting thousands of likes on Twitter or speaking at national conferences or publishing books and articles, I want to be able say, “I was there at the beginning.” I may not be your first “fan,” but I hope you know that I will be one of your most dedicated for forever. Even if it’s not on a big scale, though, I will tell everyone that I know you. My dad told me a story about a student who came in asking for a letter of recommendation for grad school at LSU. My dad had a question about the application, so he called the number on the form, and, lo and behold, it was a guy whose office was across the hall from my dad’s when they were both in grad school at Oklahoma State. They remembered each other and had a good laugh, much to the horror of the student sitting in my dad’s office. And, for me, that’s the dream. I hope that someday I’ll have a student tell me that they’re super into trauma studies and would love to work with Mikayla Sharpless. And then I want to blow their minds by calling Mikayla up on my cell phone. I want them to fangirl over Lexi’s meme studies, and then I’ll suggest we take a selfie and Snapchat it to her. And I cannot wait to teach Dustin’s and V’s and Nick’s and Jacque’s books in my classes someday—and maybe show off Dustin’s cartwheel video.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m in this. In a world where things can change in a split second, I hope you see me and our friendship as a constant that you can rely on.

The world will always be there, and so will I.

Pinky promise.

Love ∞,

Me